The Mastery of No Master

Christ: The Gospel of Thomas

‘I am not your master’ 

Christ

I once dressed up as a Jedi to visit a friend at The Church of Scientology. 

He had just dropped out of university to work at the local Scientology ‘Org’ in Edinburgh.  Ironically it all started with a free personality test designed to help with procrastination problems.   Anyway, this test led him to some ‘Dianetics’, which is a cross between confession and counselling.  It involves a process referred to as ‘auditing’, which utilizes an electrical resistance meter, called an ‘E-Meter’, ostensibly to remove emotional burdens and "cure" people from their troubles. 

He was an incredibly deep, bright, and searching philosopher.  We used to go to the cinema, play chess in pubs, and talk about everything from Kabbalah to Krishna.  And for some reason I would often turn up in fancy dress to our various meetings.  Poor chap.  I remember his face when I arrived at our local trendy cinema dressed as Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice to watch some indie film about esoteric philosophy.   So, he wasn’t totally surprised that I turned up at the ‘Org’ looking like Obi-Wan Kenobi.  He seemed mainly quite pleased that I had turned up, and that he could now show his friends and leaders that he had done some decent evangelistic work.  (I know that feeling.  And it feels gooooooooood.) 

The evening at the ‘Org’, celebrated the anniversary of L. Ron Hubbard’s book ‘Dianetics:  The Modern Science of Mental Health.’  (L. Ron Hubbard is the founder of Scientology, and was once a prolific writer of pulp science fiction and fantasy novels in his earlier career.)  It was an intimate and friendly soiree with light refreshments.  We all watched a video, which was very much like the Oscars (both in style, but also in the fact there were various famous actors, and models, in attendance).  There were testimonies about how Dianetics had freed people from their addictions, rehabilitated criminals, healed the depressed, cured the anxious, given purpose to the purposeless, health to the unhealthy, and community to the lonely.  Powerful stuff.  At the end of the video, everyone stood up and applauded, which was when it dawned on me that I was possibly the only non-Scientologist there.  I stayed in my seat, and pretended to look for my pencil on the floor (I didn’t have a pencil, but such are my acting skills, that I am pretty sure I pulled it off with aplomb!)  My friend stayed seated next to me, possibly conflicted, before he too rose and clapped along with everyone else.

I was soon approached by their star member who looked like a cross between Tom Cruise and the most goodlooking Student Leader from my own home church.  He was gorgeous - and ridiculously confident, happy, and positive.  I noticed that he had a unique silver bracelet – which he explained meant that he was ‘A Clear’.  A Clear is defined by the Church of Scientology as a person who no longer has a "reactive mind" (a pseudoscientific subdivision of the mind), and is therefore free from negative effects purported to be produced by the "reactive mind".  A Clear is said to be "at cause over" (that is, in control of) their "mental energy" (their thoughts), and able to think clearly even when faced with the very situations that in earlier times caused them difficulty.

I must confess, I coveted that bracelet, but I wasn’t entirely sure about being cleared of my ‘reactive mind.’  He asked me if I wanted to be free from all my emotional pain and suffering.  It was a great question.  And I’m not sure if anyone has ever asked me such a bold and brilliant thought experiment over tea and biscuits (definitely no one that goodlooking).  It really made me think.  And, funnily enough, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be ‘clear’ (despite really wanting his bracelet), so I waffled on about how, it felt rather more likely to me that my pain, mistakes, weaknesses were quite useful sign posts in suggesting where I was going wrong or right?  And often humbling my ego in the slow progression to a deeper freedom.  Clearing my reactive mind whilst sounding usefully less complicated also seemed rather terrifying!  He smiled and nodded, and said we were talking about the same thing.  I wasn’t so sure.

Sadly, I am no longer in touch with my friend.  He moved to the residential mothership in East Grinstead, and soon wasn’t allowed to speak to me on the phone.  The last time I called, he was in the room but someone else did the speaking.  I was inviting him over for supper.  I guess part of me hopes that this post will somehow end up on his screen one day, and he will get in touch, and we can go to the cinema, play chess, or chat about the weird and wonderful world of philosophy, religion, and community.

But here’s the thing:  the strange bit about that entire evening was how familiar I found much of it.  And that was deeply uncomfortable to sit with.  Perhaps that’s why I stayed glued to my seat.  It was like seeing the worst bits of my own community in all its successful glory:  using celebrity, public confessions, and charismatic salesman to sell a packaged-deal spirituality (believe these somewhat difficult things to believe, say this prayer, keep coming back, and please give us at least 10%).  I was also a little freaked out, as I knew that a large part of me was looking for someone to tell me what to do with my life.  I wanted a Master.  Perhaps not L. Ron Hubbard, but I recognised this dynamic in a few relationships with certain followers, leaders, and teachers.  And on some level, I believed that these people knew more about what I should do with my life than I did.  I was looking for them to tell me what to do.  I wanted a real-deal Saint, community, or mission to validate my life.  I wanted spiritual success (which is the greatest oxymoron there is).  And sadly, some of these folk, thrive on such role-play.  They are even happy to prescribe ethical absolutes about how much money you should earn – and give – despite their rather bountiful bank accounts and property portfolios. 

It was only after a few near-misses, with a few formidable folkies, that I did some serious soul-searching, and began to explore the underlying anxiety, insecurity, and fear, that were actually motivating my plans and fantasies to seek out a highly ethical and spiritually successful community, calling, and master.  I knew, deep down, below the fear, insecurity, and anxiety, that I wanted to pursue a more creative life, and a more expansive spiritual path. 

It makes sense to me now that on such a path, no one can tell us what to do with our life.  Otherwise, it’s not our life.  It would be someone else’s life.  I am not promoting hyper-individualism.  Of course we must work with others, work for others, serve others, and listen to others, etc.  I am echoing what Socrates famously said,

‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’  

If we don’t question, explore, and interrogate the opinions, beliefs, histories, personalities, agendas, values, and affairs of our inherited messages and masters, then we are not really living a life.  We are not really showing up.  We are not really loving.  We’re fearing - which is the opposite of love.  So, we end up putting fear into our neighbours as we put fear into ourselves.

Any leader, guru, priest, coach, therapist, parent, partner, mentor, or teacher that isn’t trying to facilitate our inner knowing, will inadvertently erode our connection to our own minds, bodies, and souls.   They will lead us to sin, which is to say, separation.  They will foster a dependency on their own dreams, visions, moral judgments, politics, and economics. 

Even Christ doesn’t deal in ethical absolutes - ‘only a Sith deals in absolutes,’ as Obi-Wan Kenobi famously said.  Christ speaks in riddles, parables, and questions – designed to awaken us to who we really are, and where we really are:

We are incarnations of divinity within a divine dance.  Even the stones are dancing.  And the bread.  And the wine.  Everything.  We are ‘made in God’s image’.  No-one else's.  God wants to show up, through us, as us, as Elizabth Gilbert brilliantly discovers in Eat, Pray, Love (I have the Director's Cut of the film version on DVD – shame on The Guardian for giving it a one-star review – it's absolutely brilliant!). 

Anyway, all these ruminations, and Christ’s assertion to his disciples - ‘I am not your Master’ - puts to mind a famous Zen Buddhist saying:

‘If you meet The Buddha on the road, kill him.’

I’m sure there are many ways of interpreting such a brilliant teaching (not if you use a Sith-like lens - and there are plenty of those around these days).  I wonder if part of it is to do with the perilous nature of encountering Buddhas, Saviours, Gurus, Healers, Prophets, and Masters.  We end up worshipping them.  We turn them into idols.  We surrender our calling to theirs.   And the dodgy ones will allow such a power dynamic to ensue for far too long!  And therefore, we won't ‘take up our own cross’, or go on our own journey of seeking ‘the truth’ - but it is the truth that will set us free - not following rules, saying creeds, practising rituals, and worshipping names. 

Of course, the teachings, rituals, practices, examples, writings, symbols, sounds, and sayings of our Masters, can be profoundly instructive, insightful, and illuminating – but only if they lead us to the truth of who we really are and where we really are.  As Christ puts it, in The Gospel of Mark:

‘the sabbath was made for humans, not humans for the sabbath.’

Who is serving who?  Who is serving what? 

So, it might well be better to ‘kill’ our masters - whoever our masters may be (not literally – put those red light sabres down, you little Siths!).  It might be a priest, a partner, a friend, a guru, a child, a colleague, a boss, a parent, a teacher, an influencer, a coach, a therapist, or a Substack writer!  Only you can discern who your masters are.  But if they are not leading you to the knowing in your own body, mind, and soul – then they might be, sadly, unconsciously, using you to fix all their unresolved conflicts, complexes, and issues.  I think Carl Jung’s quote about the unlived life of parents has some milage for the spiritual fathers and mothers in our lives:

 “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents,”

Perhaps that is why Christ, in The Gospel of Matthew, says that the only unforgivable sin is the sin against The Spirit.  I can’t imagine this teaching has anything to do with a binding legalism or a cosmic curse.  I’m not sure what it means to be honest - but, I’m always willing to have a go: 

If sin means separation, then it seems to speak of the hellish reality, and dangerous darkness of what happens when we are separated from The Spirit that resides within us (our bodies are temples of The Holy Spirit after all!).  So, if our Masters (consciously or unconsciously) lead us to separate from The Spirit - our inner source of guidance, creativity, healing, insight and power within our own bodies, minds, and souls - they are leading us to hell, which, as we all know, is a place on earth (like heaven).  It’s that sulphuric place within, where we gnash our teeth with shame, guilt, and fear.  It’s that space where we can’t receive grace, peace, and love.  Not because we are being punished for breaking some eternal blasphemy law – but because we have been separated from the truth of who, and where, we are:  divine dancers in the divine dance we call the cosmos.  All other ‘sins’ can be incorporated into the choreography of the divine dance – all our falls, fails, and frolics.  The only ‘sin’ that can’t be included is separation itself – which is what happens when we stop dancing, and just play ‘follow the leader’.

I want to end this post with a wonderful quote from Carl Jung (who is a bit of a Master of mine, but whose teachings and techniques won’t allow for such infantile projections).  It speaks to me of how we can keep pursuing Mastery, but without becoming a Master:

“Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul.”

A Blessing:

Be who you are

Where you are

In your mind

In your body

In your soul

Nothing can separate you

Except separation

So bring your all to the all of all

Amen