The Fear of Love
The Bhagavata Purana: Krishna Lifts a Mountain
“The Supreme Lord Hari seeing them witless under the attack of the hail, the rain and the extreme winds, considered the anger of Indra responsible for this: [He thought:] 'Because I rejected Indra's sacrifice he, bent on destruction, is flooding us now with these unusual out-of-season fierce rains and great winds full of hailstones. To counteract that properly I will, by the power of My yoga, arrange for the defeat of the pride and ignorance of all those who, with their wealth, are as foolish to consider themselves falsely Lord and Master over the world. Of the demigods who, as controlling lords being falsely identified, are certainly not moved by goodness, I eradicate the false pride in order to pacify them. The cowherd community that has taken shelter of Me as their master, is My family. Therefore, I will protect them with My mystic power. That is the vow I have taken.'
Having said this [to Himself this incarnation of] Vishnu took up with one hand [His left one] Govardhana hill and held it high as easily as a child holding a mushroom.”
Love is scary. I’m talking about true, real, and free, LOVE. The love behind our love. The love below our love. The love beyond our love. The totally unconditional, blissful, and bountiful love of love. Absolute love.
Totally terrifying. Too good to be true. And largely because our early experiences of love are so often tainted (or trashed) by transactions, manipulations, and punishments. It is inevitable. Despite our best intentions, insights, efforts, and resolve, we will (to varying degrees of damage) instil a fear of real love, and foster a faith in work, ethics, and human sacrifice.
We believe that love needs to be earned in some way. Even those who preach an absolute unconditional love, usually have a few hidden *Terms & Conditions in the love-contract:
This love is a gift! Totally and utterly free! Complete Grace! Amazing Grace!
*Well, yes, but you do need to actually believe this, or say this prayer, or speak this name, or get the logic of this violent transactional human sacrifice to guarantee this love, otherwise, sadly, there is a real danger you might, well, experience complete and utter separation and suffering, for, sorry to say, an eternity, which is, a very long time indeed! But, yes, it’s all about LOVE. Love, love, love. We love love. We are all about the love.
And even those who are spared this incredibly confusing, disturbingly violent, and anxiety-inducing soteriology, will have received other deeply toxic messages about love, with various hidden, unspoken, semi-conscious, or totally-unconscious, highly-charged, high-stakes, brutally-burdensome Terms & Conditions:
I love you but you can’t be gay. I love you but you do need to do something interesting with your life. I love you but you can’t reject the idea that God had to sacrifice his son to pay for all our sins. I love you but you need to be good. I love you but you can’t vote Conservative or Reform. I love you but you can’t get angry. I love you but you can’t be too sad. I love you but you can’t go mental. I love you but you need to save me from my unfulfilled life. I love you but you need to bring me joy because of all that I have suffered. I love you but you need to be kind. I love you but you can’t get divorced. I love you but you need to be happy. I love you but you need to get married. I love you but I need you to feel all my feelings, so I don’t have to. I love you but can you please not make a fuss. I love you but you can we all just get along. I love you but you need to love me back because of all I have sacrificed for you. I love you but you can’t leave me. I love you but you need to need me. I love you but you must talk like we talk. I love you but you need to make me proud. I love you but you need to give me more to talk about with my friends. I love you but you need to stay small, safe, and secure. I love you but I need you to be strong. I love you but you can’t get too big for your boots. I love you but you can’t join The God Squad.
Of course, some of these might be explicitly communicated. And some may deny the existence of any Terms & Conditions, yet still manage to transfer strong feelings to the contrary. That’s part of the power of the unconscious, it would seem.
And there might even be a complete absence of the ‘I love you’ bit, which in some ways offers some clarity, in spite of its obvious tragedy. Either way, the message is powerful: love is not to be completely trusted. It is something to fear. It is an absurdity. Better to trust groupthink, hard work, ethics, rules, doctrine, and tradition. Safer to believe in the saving power of sacrifice.
And there are usually consequences when we withdraw our faith in sacrifices, and choose faith in love. The old Gods get angry. The primitive instincts whip up a terrible storm. Our inner and outer Indra kicks-off big time. But, if we can wait a little, and trust the God beyond God, the God below God, the God in the being of God, we will find a beautifully imaginative, fearless, and powerful love. We will find our very own Mountain Lifter. We will turn mountains into mighty umbrellas.
(Mountain Lifter, incidentally, is one of my favourite Kula Shaker songs. I was lucky to hear a rare outing of this absolute banger in Holmfirth, West Yorkshire.)
I love this story about Krishna. And it brings me back to something from within my own tradition, when Christ says,
“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Both Krishna and Christ do not point to the sky Gods. They do not command us to sacrifice to Indra or Jehovah in the heavens above. They point to the earth. They point to a God who is here, near, and ultimately Within.
And if we have a tiny amount of faith (however absurdly counter-cultural, counter-biological, counter-psychological, counter-tribal, counter-evangelical, counter-economical, counter-sacrificial, counter-survival) we can move mountains:
“Nothing will be impossible for you.”*
Amen
*Including: experiencing and enjoying unconditional LOVE - here, near, and now.
